my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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