just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
