after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
high people should be assigned attendants
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
