I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
