Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
