I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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