I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
