She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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