I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
