summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
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like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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