In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
