now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
