last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
