I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
