how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
