And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
