Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
