my sisters under your porch take her home
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
