i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
All I want is dick and wine.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
