Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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