Whod you bang
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
