glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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