the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
