I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
