redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
