It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
