I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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