A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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