last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
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The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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