I feel great
I just peed on a car
it hurts more in the daytime
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
