Swine flu. Run for my life!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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