have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If I die, sorry about rent.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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