Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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