remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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