she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
