why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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