so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
