You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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