the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
