Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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