i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.