i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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