There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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