My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
