fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
