I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
