well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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