Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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