if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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