On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
