I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
