you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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