I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
