Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
