The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
