I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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