Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
