Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
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wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize