call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
