I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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